Off the Wagon

I recently ran across this blog of a girl that has lost over 50lbs and wrote a blog called One Twenty Five to chronicle the process. It was so incredibly inspiring to me. I admire that she was so brave and honest in the writings and the photographs.
Often, I have thought about doing the same for accountability reasons and for support, but I just can't seem to bring myself to post the actual number. You know which number I mean right? That dreaded number shows up between your two big toes when you step on the scale in the mornings. Or at least, I get on it in the mornings because someone told me that the number is always lower in the AM. I feel like I live and die by that particular number. I am so obsessed that I feel like my happiness hinges on it.
A little over a month ago, I began the HCG diet. It worked so well for me even though it is extremely difficult. I began to feel so much better and lighter all the way around almost immediately. Now, I didn't feel as though I had tons of energy or stamina but I felt like I was finally, after immense struggle, getting somewhere in the battle of the bulge. I have lost around 20lbs since the beginning of the year.
During the difficult phase of the diet no one noticed that I was losing except me and eventually Big. He mentioned a few weeks ago that he could really tell a major difference in my thighs. I hadn't gave them much thought being that I normally try to ignore them, but I then noticed that my pants and shorts didn't fit tight in that area any longer. I have a bigger mid section than I would like to have and want so badly for a difference to show there, but I haven't made a whole lot of head way there just yet. I know that 20lbs is quite an accomplishment and I want everyone that I come into contact with to notice, but I am in no way finished. The benefits of clean eating are endless, and I want to continue.
The past week hasn't been great. I somehow have fallen off the wagon. Every single day I have been telling myself that I am going to jump back up and run after that dang wagon. I know that I can possess the will power because I did it for weeks. As much as I love carbs, I didn't die without them the way I thought I would. When I started eating that "forbidden fruit" I just couldn't find the will to stop. I have eaten things this week that I know that I shouldn't but I just didn't seem to care or quit. I have had a few good meals in between the binge eating, but I can tell that it isn't a good thing at all.
You know what? It ends now.
I have got to get back up and do this again. I need to be healthier and skinnier for my body and for my soul. I was proud of my small success but not proud of the way I look just yet. I am going to be in a wedding in March and I just need to be in better shape.
This diet has changed my outlook. Before, I tried different methods and didn't lose any weight at all. You know anybody that started the Akins diet and gained? Well, now you do. I did. And it made my blood pressure jump through the roof. I need to get my bootie to the gym. I think that will be the next phase of my weight loss. Like I said earlier, it is sort of hard to work out when you eat only 500 calories per day.
Work is beginning to settle down. Wait no, I take that back I just think I am beginning to understand all the madness a bit better. I hope that everyone has a wonderful weekend.

Today is a Day

Today is a day of remembering.

It is a day that everyone in our beloved country stops to think about where we were 10 years ago when we heard the news.

It is a day that we hug tight to our family.

It is a day that we are humbled and think about those people that we lost, but more especially the ones that were left behind after such enormous tragedy. 

It is a day when we all band together as Americans and forget about our political, racial, or personal differences. 

September 11, 2001 will forever live in our hearts and in our minds, as it should. 

My brother was here last night to pick up my nephew and he relayed a story that he had seen on News Channel 13. It was a child reading a letter at the memorial site in New York City. This child revealed that he is now 10 years old and was born a mere 23 days after September 11th. The letter was being read to his father, who he lost in the tragic event on that day. We hear so many stories about the heros but not as many about the people that were left behind. It broke my heart to think that this son never met his own father because of a vicious attack. It made me thankful for all that we have as a country and as a family. My cousin, Nick, just got back from fighting in this war that some don't think is still necessary. We have to remember how we all felt that day and how these families are coping with their loss. We have to never forget. 

Work has been very stressful and most of the time quite difficult. Now, I am loving my new job but there are times that I am ready to crack. There are times that I worry about not being adequate enough or efficient enough. I am trying to be as perfect as possible al day long every single day. Sometimes this becomes overwhelming and terrifying. Thinking about today and what this day must mean to all of those families put my insignificant stresses into perspective. I am not in pain, or suffering in any way, and I can cope with all of this. I just need to keep this thought every day.  

For the 2,973 people who perished September 11, 2001 after hijacked planes crashed 
in New York City in Arlington, Virginia and in Pennsylvania. The victims were mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers of many faiths and races who came from more than 80 nations. 
 All who were killed died working and living the American dream.