Throw Me a Bone

I've been sitting here thinking about what I want to say because I am out of sorts today. I can not understand life in general sometimes and why we all have to trudge through murky mud until we can achieve happiness. Why is this so dang hard for me to be content with just me? Who knows. But I am really sick of lusting after other people's lives and wondering when mine will ever develop.
I am constantly talking about how wonderful he is. And he is. So why is it that we can't seem to get on and remain on the same brain wave? If anyone knows why any man does what he does please just text me, email me, call me, or send me a letter because I am totally lost. If have been accused of self-fulfilling prophecy here lately and maybe that is true but I am wore slap out these days. I want to settle down or at least feel settled and normal. I want to have companionship that is everlasting. Truthfully, I wonder if it is all imaginary. Married people don't seem all that happy to me these days, but Big and I are happy when we are together. I suppose all marriages and relationships start off that way. Euphoric afternoons that accompany perfectly pleasant dates are all that consumes your mind when it is new and fresh. So what happens two years in when you are still stuck in a rut? I have no idea. I can't seem to live without him and I am scared to continue living with him. It hurts that he just seems to be satisfied with rowing this boat right along on it's present course, but what am I to do? If anyone has any sort of guess as to what is the right thing to do, please by any means, contact me and give my an ear full. I do love him more than I have anyone in many years, but now I am just building walls around my heart. Brick by brick he gets further and further away from me, while at the same time the more minutes I spend with him the more wrapped around his pinkie finger I feel. Love Stinks sometimes and it's wonderful other times. I just wish there was a road map to this journey. Don't we all though, ladies. It's all good and I am sure tomorrow I will wake up refreshed and over it, but today I just don't get men and I don't think I ever will.
Until next time, could somebody please just throw me a bone....