No Doubt

My Mr. Big and I had a strange conversation last night about whether or not we would change if we got married. You guys read it right, married! I sat a bit dumbfounded for a second and then mumbled something about money and my last name changing. He just stared right into my eyes and said, "that's not really what I meant". What he meant was "us" as in our day to day life together and how we feel about each other. I shifted nervously while he just smiled. Like every time I want to avoid answering first, I looked up and asked what he thought. His response was simply, No. He doesn't think we would loose love or anything that makes the two of us special together, however; he wasn't on one knee either. Big takes his time with the big decisions which I think is very responsible and grown up of him to be that way. Naturally, I follow him when it comes to things like this because unlike him, I am emotional and a bit more irrational with life. I like to think it's a passion for living, but most of the time it's something I have to keep in check.

As I tossed and turned last night, I wondered if I deserve this type of happiness and joy. Oh, I know my friends and family would say that I would but I find myself being afraid.

Not afraid of him, or being with him but being afraid of the bottom falling out of it and then I am back to square one all over again. There is no doubt in my mind that Big is going to be a wonderful man for all of his existence and so I should take great comfort in that fact. I do have the utmost confidence in him and his ability to love and care for me, but what about forever?

How do we ladies know when it is time to drop down the walls we have built? I am at a point now where I have to remind myself on a daily basis that he isn't the enemy and shouldn't be kept on the other side of a huge barrier away from a place where he could really know me. He wants nothing more than for us to be ourselves and just be happy every single day. I mean, come on, what girl isn't looking for this? I do love him deeply and wouldn't trade any of our time for anything right now so I should just pray for confidence in myself. I had myself convinced that I would have to settle in some ways with men for the rest of my life. I do not feel that way at all with him. He gives back just as much as he takes from me which is the way it should be in relationships. I guess of everyone I know, I am just shocked that such a sweet man has happened to me.

For my single readers out there that are still reading and not vomiting right now, it's out there girls. Do not settle or completely give up!!!! I was about to and I am so very happy that I didn't because I would have missed out on my care-free, no drama life. Just hang in there. If he isn't treating you well please don't walk but run away as fast as you can. You may be getting in your own way or letting others persuade you. Know that love is out there and that this nonbeliever found it.

Until next time, whoever it is doing the rain dance could you pretty, pretty please stop it now! We are all very over the rain!!!!!!!!