Don't Want To Grow Up Anymore

I so don't want to grow up anymore than I already have. It has been a up hill climb up till now and I want to play again and not worry about adult stresses. I am completely frustrated right now. Car shopping is suppose to be fun, but for some reason it just hasn't come together for me right this second. I know that everything happens for a reason, but come on now. I am afraid of my truck being unreliable and according to a couple of sources it is. I hate worrying about money and credit. My Mother always has said "money" is the devil and I'm starting to think that it is one of his pawns. I am just trying to make a good decision here and be in a car that will last me a while. I am looking at certain prospects and it is a tricky thing to navigate. It will all work out exactly the way it is suppose to and if I keep praying and searching it will come together the right way.



The people around me are all suffering from this crumbling economy and everyday I hear about it own the news. And all the solutions are either long drawn out fixes or idiotic to the point of wasteful spending by our government. The main reason I call myself a Republican is that I am against big government control. Personally, I don't like the taxes being raised just so that we can pay for these organizations that were unable to maintain a responsible hold on their finances. Now, I have been a victim of credit and I know how important it is to keep a close watch over how much you spend and how quickly you do so. While trying to spend over their means, many Americans have overextended their check books by thinking they had to have "it" and have it right now. This notion is what has us here today in this economic crisis. Everyone is so quick to blame former President Bush for causing this and I think that is ludicrous. In order to fix this, we all are going to have to take a good look in the mirror and think how can I do better or spend more efficiently and not on junk that we don't really need. Maybe that is how we, as the American people, should look at purchases that require credit. Do we really need it? It always seems like it is the actions of a few that mess it up for the rest of us. I can't spend above my means because I don't have that much money to play with. I have bills to pay and they come every month like clock work. And even shopping for me is a hard decision due to always being reminded that the money could be better served elsewhere. Ugh.... I don't wanna grow up. If I had any advice for Grey and Taylor, it would be just don't grow up. Because being a grown up means that you have to learn words like stimulus, national debt, high gas prices, and stock market closings. (I never really have understood that whole stock market thing.) I earned an A in economics in high school but you would never know it. I know that the President has a big laid out plan, but the same people that he has working for him have been in Washington for some years now. His Chief of Staff worked for the Clinton administration years ago. So are we really getting a solution or just another democratic politician who likes to spend our money. We won't really know until time passes. Unfortunately, the public is crying out for relief. Last Monday, Kyla lost her second job at RAB collections. She had become a part-time employee recently but before that had been with the company for over three years. I have patients that are telling me that they have lost their jobs after 15 years of employment with a company. It's scary out there these days. Again, this all makes me so thankful to have a decent job.

Bu-Bye until next time, and don't grow up it sucks.

Don't know, and don't know how to know

Today is just one of those days when I wished so much that I could have just stayed in bed and covered my head with the covers in order to block out the reality of a Monday. I despise starting a week off especially early on a Monday morning when there is just so much to do. I have tons of work to catch up on from last week. When we have patients during the daytime it's very difficult for me to multi-task while monitoring a sleeping subject. My office is in the front of the building and the control room is all the way in the back with the patient rooms. So, yes, it has been a catch up morning for me this morning. First thing, I got a sad text from Kyla saying that she had been layed off from her other job. She had worried all weekend that it could be happening and sure enough, she was right. I told her not to fret over it. She has been miserable in the job for years which is one of the reasons she has been trying to get on over here at the lab full time. Over time, I'm sure, she will realize that it was a blessing and not a set back for her.

Right now, I am so very thankful for a good job and insurance that I shouldn't even be bothering worrying about some of the silly things I worry about, but in true form to myself, I worry. I feel so aimless, like I have nothing going on and am stuck in a rut. Now, I am aware that in order to emerge from a rut or any other proverbial hole one must take steps. Right now I don't know which one's to take. It seems like the older I get the decisions are getting much harder and affect more people. I remember when I was a kid a hard decision was picking only one candy that I wanted at the store. Unless I was at Nana's store, then I could have all I wanted :) Love You Nana. On that note, I know how spoiled I am. I really am the princess of my family. When you wear the crown there are some responsibilities that have to be attended and sometimes I feel afraid of disappointing everyone. Maybe it is good to be aware of how small you are in the universe so that you are always looking for guidance and not assuming that you know it all. I have a friend, whom I am close with, that seems to calm me and somehow makes me feel like it all makes sense. However, I do not have the same effect over this friend which causes some doubt on my part to the point of resentment. So much of the time, I imterpret the moods as things that may or may not exsist but assurance rarely comes. Now, I am in fact a girl and we tend to over thing situations or imply that others are thinking just as hard as we are. There is a lesson in this I believe. Decide to yourself that you won't ever get upset or worked up unless you know for sure that there is something to actually get upset about. I miss the days when everything was easy and just made good sense.

Mom just called me and let me know that George Baddour passed away this morning. As sad as this fact is, I am super glad to no longer be employed at Munford Florist today. The people that worked with me would agree with me that those types of people who have touched so many others are very loved. And of course, people will want to show the love with showers of flowers. He knew many, many families in Tipton County and will be missed at the funeral home.

I should feel blessed to have all the loved ones around me all the time. And I try everyday to be as thankful as possible, but I do feel like I have no direction and I don't know how to know how. Today, Kasey took Grey baby to Covington to get his picture taken for the paper. I just got a text with a picture in it, and wow. As if all of you didn't now, he is a little doll! He has overalls on and crossed his little feet. Naturally, he threw up all over Phil even though his Mommy assured Phil he wouldn't ;) We played "Boo" Saturday night. He was sitting in his little car playing and I would lay on the floor where he couldn't see me and then jump up and say "Boo". Instead of crying or being scared, he busted out laughing! To make that even better, Yia-Yia got it all on film. He is just the cutest baby boy. Until next time, take care and if you know could you let me know.......

Healing Slowly

I don't have much to report about me right now. During this kind of worry it is hard to focus on yourself. Valentine's Day was relaxing and sweet even though I don't celebrate the crazy holiday of so called "Love". Much like my friend Amy, after working in a flower shop for over 6 years I have no energy for the honoring the day as a real holiday. I had dinner in with a close friend, which was lovely. Nathan's girlfriend, Kasey, bought her first new car this past week, a Chevy Cobalt and boy is she thrilled. It is very nice and pretty. I am so happy she loves it and is so excited about it. Work is getting very busy but I can't complain. We are booking patients left and right and it's good to be busy instead of slow. I can barely get anything accomplished for working with new patients and all the paperwork that entails. Kyla has just begun to see what swamped means in a sleep clinic but it's a good thing. My uncle Robert has moved into my Dad's house from North Carolina and they seem to be getting on just fine. I called down to the house a couple of days ago and uncle Robert picked up the phone. I had a good laugh because it was so strange to hear someone else's voice. Overall, I think that having company in his house has helped tremendously with filling the void of an empy house. It makes me thankful to have famlily that will go above and beyond to help out. Until next time, have a blessed day

Six Years

Last week was such an insane week here at the lab for all of us. The beginning and ending of each month is just craziness for me. I have so much paperwork to complete and reports to generate that I always am glad for that first weekend of the month. This weekend I had planned to do nothing or if not nothing very little; however, it didn't exactly work out that way. I know in a previous blog I asked for prayers for my Dad and his current situation and we still need them. The entire family is in my thoughts and prayers.
On a high note, my sister turned 6 years old yesterday. I can't believe that it's really been that many years since I held her for the first time in the hospital. She asked me to tell the story about the day she was born while driving in my truck yesterday and I realized I never had before. As the story unfolded, she was amazed and excited to hear the details about me driving really fast to get to the hospital only to sit for hours and wait on her. Also, that I was really sick and was taken care of by Jullay or as she calls her "JuJu". I layed my head on Jullay's tummy and felt Aidan kick all afternoon while she rubbed my head. This made Taylor laugh and confused all at the same time. She hadn't thought of where Aidan came from. Anyways, she asked me what she looked like the first time I saw her and as I tried to describe how she looked all I could think of is the way she melted my heart in that split second in my arms right after she was born. It has always amazed me how someone so small makes such a huge impact on everyone's lives. A strong feeling swept over me when I saw Grey for the first time, but this was a different emotion. Not that I love one more than the other, it just felt different with each of them. Unable to really find the words to describe the joy and the pride I felt that day six years ago, I found myself lost in the memory of that day she came. She was 8lbs 8oz of pure love, and absolutely gorgeous. I'm often told about how much she loves me and talks about me when I'm not with her and I of course adore her as well. She is so much like me and completely opposite at the same time. For you guys out there who haven't seen her in a while, she is already closing in on being taller than me! I suppose thats not really saying much though, huh? Most of the time I can't believe she's growing so fast, but I am truly enjoying watching her mature into a young lady. She has the ability to make just about anyone smile no matter what is going on in their day. I know she can't read and won't ever read this but I know she knows how much I love her and how I want the world for her. She has lit my life in dark corners I forgot I even had. Hope she had a Happy 6th Birthday!
Let me stop here and give a shout out to my Uncle Clay, because today is his birthday. Happy Birthday Uncle Clay!!!!!
Oh, I almost forgot, my brother had a little mishap this weekend as well. He landed a little off on his fourwheeler and now has seven stiches under his chin and a achy leg. Get Well Soon Nathan!
Until next time, keep us all in your prayers and have a good day

Soul Mates

Soul mates by definition are people that are compatible with another person in every way as far as their temperaments are concerned. Often I think and verbalize that I do not believe this is possible or even practiced these days. Divorce is running rampant in toady's society not to mention the people who are in relationships that simply despise each other. And if these weren't reason enough to think that "soul mates" are either imaginary or much harder to find these days, there is the added pressure to look a certain way in order to find anyone not just your soul mate. Soul mates are suppose to love your soul, but for my girls out there, we know that's not normally correct. Women and girls alike are expected to be little Miss Susie homemaker while looking like an airbrushed photo off the cover of Maxium. We are all trying desperately to find the one person who loves us for who we really are. Personally, I have always thought that this Cinderella attitude was careless and childish, but sometimes the hope of being swept off my feet and rode off into the sunset on a white horse is very appealing. Every now and then I see a sweet movie and think, yep that's what I need, a prince. Of course our modern day princes are not what they used to be and most of them, as far as I'm concerned, should have remained frogs. I mean who trained some of these men, or should I call them boys? People often blame the establishment of marriage itself, but I think that is unfair. Maybe couples jump the gun these days and get into a legal and binding situation too soon. Without spending quality time with someone to get to know them thoroughly, how could one make such a life altering decision to be devoted to each other for eternity. There is a slight chance that the process of finding one's soul mate is and always has been more about compatibility than about fate. Never in my experiences have I met someone who feel in love at first site. What is that? The answer to that question is lust. Ah, good ole lust never fails us. Now, I need to say for the record that there are marriages that have wonderful success stories. These people took the necessary time to get to know their spouse and they feel in love not lust. Real love is all consuming and burns bright and then smolders for a very long time. Where as lust burns hot and bright for a very short amount of time but while you are with the person you have been lusting after you feel like you are on fire. Overall, I'm not sure that there is just one person for everyone on this planet at this time. It takes a lot of sacrifice to be with someone and the majority of the men I know these days are all about themselves. Let me stop right here and say that I do know men that have great qualities and would be wonderful companions. I have a guy friend that I am constantly in awe of how sweet and attentive he can actually be. Like a mythical creature, he is sensitive, cute, kind, and fun all wrapped into one man. He cares about my friends, which is amazing, and likes to hang out with me often. So, ladies, I suppose there are some good ones left, it's just really difficult to fish through the bad ones to hook you a good one. I still don't know if buy the idea of soul mates even though I have heard of instances that it may have happened. Marriage and relationships take hard work and so does being a grown-up and nobody ever said that it would be easy, but I guess we have to keep our heads up and hope for the best. I will continue to keep my head up and smile even if I don't think it's practical to believe in a crazy idea that when you meet that magic person that your life will just fall into place and you will live happily ever after. So until next time, have a great week and if you find one send him my way ;)

Let There Be Rock

Friday night, Nathan, Leigh, Amy, Momma and myself traveled downtown to the FedEx Forum for the freaking AC/DC concert! It was amazing to say the least. I mean how could you not be in complete awe of Angus Young. Even though they have all obviously aged, the show they put on was spectacular. Of course we had too much fun and suffered a little bit on Saturday morning, but it was so worth the trip. Everyone in our group except Nathan had seen the group previously and to be with him on his first viewing was rewarding. He knew all the words to all the songs and even the hand motions that accompanied each one. There were very cool stage displays including a huge locomotive and a whole Lotta Rosie.... We screamed and danced all night long. I would definitely urge anyone that is a classic rock fan to get your butt up and go see AC/DC!

As far as the Super Bowl is concerned, I was not really invested in either team or football for that matter so it didn't upset me one way or the other. I was some what hoping for the Arizona Cardinals to get their first win ever, but fate didn't agree with me. The commercials were, at best, okay. There wasn't one that I thought was the overall best; however, there were some good ones. Budweiser never fails to have great advertisements. This year the ones that were knee slappers were Doritos. The one were the guy in the meeting suggests that they stop buying beer to save money was a funny one. The crystal ball one also was cute. Other than the concert and the football game, not much went on in my little world this weekend. Until next time, Rock On!