Single is NOT an Alternative Lifestyle

This will feel somewhat like a rant, but for my own sanity I need to make a bold statement and say that there is nothing wrong with being without a husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever you desire at the young age of 25! As a matter of fact, however old you are is a fine age to be single as far as I am concerned. Who exactly put us, and when I say us I really just mean women/girls, on some imaginary time table of how our lives are suppose to be and what is appropriate times for our accomplishments? Since birth, it is ingrained in little girls minds just how we are to go through life beginning with baby dolls, moving into Barbie's, then its off to the make-up counter, soon it's dating, marriage follows, and then children. That's it for us in the old school sense. After all of that growing up, we are suppose to be Betty Crockers and Mrs. Cleavers by way of cleaning, cooking, and caring for our families. All the while, the men/daddies of the world are able to have their hobbies with all the free time that the spouse puts into the cleaning and the cooking. When I think about my little life and about how I haven't done anything it makes me afraid of not completing the task assigned to me. That's when I realize that not everyone is on the same game plan. For instance, my Granny has had four boys and three husbands at this point in her life. She is, of course, of the old school era when girls got married at fifteen and stayed married until death, no matter what. But if you are paying attention, she has had three husbands even though she got married at a very young age. So to naked eye, she fulfilled her obligation of first comes love, then comes marriage, however, it wasn't until death do us part. Now I know that no one is perfect, but I think that is my point. I am not married, nor am I close to being married at this time. Believe me without a soul pointing it out, I am AWARE. Oh, how I would love to be in love and on my way to family life with some magnificent prince that was blessed with family money and ridiculously handsome features (this is where I normally wake up). Apparently, this just isn't my time for it yet. Patience wasn't a virtue that I was gifted with and faith comes even less easily than patience, so waiting around for Mr. Right is tiring and troublesome for little ole me. Most of the time, I try zealously to put it out of my mind and convince myself that "single" isn't such a dirty word, but in most circles it is an ugly noun or adjective only to be uttered in shame. Just writing it down makes me cringe because it brings up all sorts of insecurities about myself. Such as; why am I single? why doesn't any man want me? when will this come together for me? why is alone such a terrible curse? All of this anxiety that I am discussing, I bring on myself all by myself and my pity parties don't normally need any help from others by way of asking all of the dreaded questions that people ask you when you aren't throwing showers for weddings or babies. Keep all this in mind now as I relay this next part. At the Memorial Day celebration this past weekend, my Granny mentioned how she had sorted through Taylor's old clothes and pulled some sweet little dresses that she had given her as a baby. She stated that she got them to put up for my daughter, if I would hurry up and meet someone and get started with my life. Now, at this point I let the first zing roll off my back, two hours later she mentioned it again, which was still okay with me even though it made me grind my teeth together so as to not make a comment. The third assault on my pride was a hard blow. I was standing behind the chair that she was sitting in while she was talking to a cousin of mine as I heard her say that she had pulled them aside for me, but they would probably be rotted before I needed them, so she was more than likely going to give them to another cousin of mine who has a daughter. Yea, it was like taking a small bullet. LOL. However, I refuse to believe that I am not a complete person until I find another person to validate me as a woman or in any other sense of the word. Never would my own grandmother want to cause me pain, and I'm not saying that's what happened, only that she is from a different time when there was something wrong with a girl at the old age of only soon-to-be 25 that didn't have a man to share her life with. I am not going to change the tide of life by standing on my little soap box blog while shouting about how unfair it is to be so chastised for being a strong, partially independent, headstrong woman. My generation is more prone to staying at home with their parents longer, not getting married, or waiting until their 30's to have children. Hey you guys out there that can't move into the twenty first century, did you ever think that the rampant divorce rates and all the broken families are stunting the rapid marriages and births? I am terrified of putting my life into anothers hand's financially, emotionally, and physically. Moving in just scares me, because there is a good chance that I could possibly have to find another place to reside when the relationship tanks. There are so many books and movies about singles and how they trudge through life and love, and I've read and seen tons of them. Always the same story, girl meets boy, boy breaks heart, boy moves on, girl is alone until she meets the one, The End. So for all of you out there that are giving your lonely girls a hard time for not getting themselves into the gear with relationships, please hear my torment and humor when I say that SINGLE is alright and sometimes even therapeutic, but it is not a alternative lifestyle. When my boyfriend of four years and I called it quits, I suffered from an identity crisis because it was always me and him, never just Me. In the time that has passed, I have learned so many lessons about myself and how to be by myself. I think that I need to know myself well enough to know how to give myself to another person. And for you single girls out there, hang in there I feel your pain and your blessing too. Until next time, ladies just take care of yourselves and keep your heads up

P.S. This blog is in honor of Michelle Bates, a dear friend of mine that inspired the title of this blog. Love you girl