Ain't No Sunshine

Take a second and be thankful that you still have a roof over your head and that the big bad storm that no one was really prepared for nor even really knew was coming got your home or vehicle. As I drove into Cordova this morning I was thinking that maybe it wouldn't be all that bad until I topped the hill at Costco and then I could really take in the damage. I was able to whip out my camera and take a few pictures that really don't do it any justice at all. I was in awe of how in such a short amount of time the storm turned into a life or death situation. I have yet to hear of any injuries that were serious or any fatalities at all, so thank God for that. My lab took no damage at all not even the small trees that line the medians in our parking lot. We are less than mile away from where it all went down and we were hoping for none of the clean up that poor Kohl's is going through today. It savagely ripped the left side of the building apart while there were people inside including employees and shoppers. The cars in the parking lot looked as though they had been pushed around in a large circle and the had very little glass remaining in all the windows. The majority of the stores in the shopping center there suffered some damage along with most of the street lights. When I was sharing this information with Big, he told me to check Channel 3's website for storm photos and all I can say is, Wow. I was so thankful that I left this area a bit early to run home because at five minutes after closing time I would have been sitting right in the muck of what was a pretty nasty beast. The families and businesses are in my thoughts today as they assess all of the property ruined and try to put their lives back together. Please say a prayer for them, it must be devastating to have to endure the fear and then the effect.

Oh, and if this weather doesn't ease and the rain doesn't quit I believe my friend Hollie is going to loose her mind. She and her family have decided to put a swimming pool in this summer hoping to be able to use it at least a month before the heat went away. Last year we had a drought in July and August but not the year she is trying to do yard construction. Everyday that the rain comes it just pushes her date further and further away from finally getting most suburbanite's dream, an in-ground pool. Yesterday, she just grunted as I read her NOAA's rendition of how the weekend's weather would play out because, you guessed it, RAIN.

Until next time, keep Cordova and other affected areas in your thoughts and hope for sunshine.

Neighbourhood Watch

Why is everything these days about race? I know this question is blasted probably countless times a day, but I am always thrown off guard. I was stunned this morning to learn about Professor Gates and what has happened to him during these turn of events. He had returned to this country from China and then home from New York City only to find that in the darkness of his front doorstep that the door was jammed and no matter what it wouldn't open. Tired and extremely frustrated, he tried with all his might to just get into his own home. Meanwhile, his next-door neighbor called 911 because she was certain that this was a burglary taking place and she didn't want the culprits to get away with it or worse possibly break into her house. This sounds very neighborly and extremely considerate that a lady saw someone potentially harming the sanctity of your home so she called the police. So imagine my surprise when I read this article about how she has been ridiculed and called a racist. You see Dr. Gates was in fact arrested by the police that arrived and even though he is a brilliant Harvard professor known for his intelligence he lost his cool with the cops. They arrested him with a charge of disorderly conduct which was later dropped. The neighbour has been receiving threats via phone, mail, and her Internet. It even states somewhere in the article about how afraid she has been to come forward and speak about the incident. Maybe it is just me, but I am really confused on several points here. Why is she the villain here? She was just doing something that we would want our own neighbours to do for us in the event of a break-in. Why didn't Gates just keep his cool with the police? He was in all actuality trying to "bust" into his own house in the night. Grant it, it was his own home and the police should have understood. Which brings me to my next question: What the heck were the police doing out there throwing him into a car even after being told the whole story?!? Ok I can see that they showed up in defense of his property and thank goodness for that, but why after they identified him did they continue to hound him to the point of arrest. Why didn't they just say, "Have a good night Mr. Gates and sorry about the confusion"? Who knows why. Last question, why did Mr. Gates have to become disorderly? He hasn't spoke out yet and we all may never know, but I don't believe it was because he was of a different race than the neighbour. So I just can't understand why they can't just give the sweet little lady a tiny break just for being kind and reporting what must have looked like a possible theft attempt.
Now the media has gone crazy saying that it was a racial issue. Look, I wasn't there and neither were the media so I hope that everyone makes up their own minds as to what they think. Frankly, I don't really care one way or the other but I do feel sorry for the neighbour and it is certainly taking up a lot of the news cycle today. As my Mom says, "Must be a slow news day". Although, I say slow but I did read that Colin Powell interviewed with Larry King Live and discussed how both parties should have just taken a step back and chilled. He even called Dr. Gates by his nick-name (Skip) indicating that he knew him personally. Wow, anybody else impressed that Colin Powell is his friend? Powell also talked briefly about racial profiling and how you have to rise above it and keep on trucking along. Okay, so give the next-door neighbour a pass because she was following protocol on breaking and entering and drop the racial crap because we are all over it.
Update on Carb Cut down: I am a couple of days in and am already missing my carbs. To be honest, I just really am missing my sprite and peanut butter. I have had some peanut butter in very small amounts but nothing to brag about. I have also been at Big's for the past couple of days and have slacked on working out big time. Wait, does cleaning house count? So when I get home tonight I will hit the floor running, literally. Until next time, take care and watch out for those neighbours they just might do something neighbourly.

Carbs? No Thank-You

Today is the day that I begin a new habit, counting calories. I have tried to diet in the past but I am convinced that I am going to eat better and exercise more frequently so that I can too see the results that the people around me are seeing these days. My friend Hollie, who by the way is a skinny bitch, has started eating way less carbs and way more protein. Within two weeks, she has seen incredible results. I am going to follow her lead by not thinking that weight loss or healthy eating comes in a bottle with a magic promise of working. It's not that simple. I am going to have to go without eating my Sheridan's frozen yogurt along with many other vices of mine. Speaking of yogurt, don't eat that unless you work out a whole lot. It isn't very good for you at all. Carbs are my own personal evil because that seems to be all that I eat or even like. Well, I say that but I do appreciate foods that contain protein such as: turkey, tuna, salmon, hot dogs (turkey), and some cheese. When in the store this morning, I found myself comparing nutritional charts and making smarter choices with fat, carbs, and protein. I hopefully will get the hang of this thing really quickly and feel so much better. Everyone I know always says that they should eat more healthy and exercise more. I run and am trying to make myself do at least half an hour of Pilate's after each run, or maybe before the run. I'm still not sure. Uncertain of how successful I would actually be, I hope that everyone holds me accountable around me and help me get through the first couple of days of adjustment. At first, I know that I will miss my carbs but I know that the rewards will be very nice if I can ever get my big ole butt back down to a little bitty tush. Sigh. It will happen. And I will let you guys know about my progress along the way because I know everyone has cravings and I know that mine are going to be killer.
Grey Update: Baby Grey finally, no wait, FINALLY cut a tooth!!!! We are so thrilled! He is like a different kid since the tiny white square began to poke through his little gummies. He's been laughing and smiling more, oh and he has learned a new phrase: Uh Oh. Yep, he says that when he falls down or when he drops something on the floor. Mom has worked really hard to teach him this new catch phrase and he's got it down. Maybe even too much so. I went and snagged him Sunday morning and took him upstairs to play in my room for a bit. We got into my bed for him to just roll around for a bit. He would stand up in the middle of the bed and try to reach out and grab my alarm clock which he loves. I knew he hadn't finished his nap, so I put the pacifier in his mouth in hopes that he would drift back into dream land. He would then grab at it and throw it onto the floor out of my reach while proclaiming proudly, "Uh Oh!" Ugh, Grey. It was just too cute. Until next time, wish me luck and say no to carbs.

Jeremy Mayfield vs. NASCAR

I just got finished reading this article onJeremy Mayfield and I am appalled that NASCAR could do such a thing. It looks like they are falsifying documents to continue on with this apparent conspiracy to remove Jeremy from racing. More than likely Mayfield will never drive again, but for this defamation of character I hope he makes NASCAR pay. He was rooming with my Uncle Clay when they went over to Iraq, and my uncle has nothing but good things to say about him. He just seems like a good ole boy to me. NASCAR needs to seriously back off! He's been through enough already over inaccurate information and ex-family members coming out of the wood work for money. Oh yeah, the article didn't really go into how the Mayfield family has speculated that their ex-stepmother had something to do with the premature death of their father and how they were soon to be seeking legal action against her. She may or may not have been paid off by NASCAR, who knows, but I hope she has learned that trying to tell those lies doesn't pay. Ugh, can't people just get a life? I hope that Jeremy hangs in there and takes them down. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family because this must be so hard to witness unfolding around them. Until next time, stay dry in this weather and keep your fingers cross for Jeremy Mayfield.

Tabloids and Those Who Love Them

How many of you guys read the newspaper? Or get online for the sole purpose of checking a news media of some kind? As nerdy as it sounds one of the most used apps on my Ipod Touch is USA Today because I am a news-o-holic. I love politics and the scandals that surround it. Most people don't enjoy hearing about laws passing or the elections of officials like I do. I think I just like being in the "know" on today's current affairs. If you don't share my love for politics or the news in general I still think we may have one type of media in common. Tabloids. Oh, I love the tabloids. Today I walked into Walgreen's to get some much needed supplies (take my word for it) and I almost made it out without a careless purchase. I layed my selections down and looked over my right shoulder and there it was. US Weekly with Jessica and Nick on the cover. Yeah, I couldn't resist. It just jumped right off the small rack and onto the counter. I love reading about total strangers that through the media we pretend that we've come to know personally. We follow their drama, chastise or praise their wardrobe, judge their taste in men, and pay big money for the first glimpse at their babies.
Personally, I can't hardly help keeping up with Jennifer Aniston because I just think she's amazing and has a grace about her to be envied. I almost religiously followed her boyfriends then her marriage to Brad and then the saddest break-up in history. They were America's sweethearts then crashed and burned because he had an affair with a seductive witch. Wait, don't get me started on her. Doesn't even matter because, they sold magazines just like Jessica and Nick do. I love it. It just makes me excited to see a new issue on the shelves and I don't have any issue with the fact that it is probably complete and utter crap. I just always assume that there has to be some truth to some of it otherwise all they would do is print retractions all the time.
I just hung up the phone with Mr. Big and we were talking about it, the Jessica and Nick hope that the tabloids have given us all. He was a fan of the show, yeah you heard me right. He said last night that he thought it would be very romantic if they got together after everything they have been through. Hey Mr. Big, I think there may be a reason they call people hopeless romantics, because there is very little hope to that actually happening. But as I sit here I am sure that there is a possibility. After living my life, I always expect the unexpected especially when it comes to matters of the heart. He just laughed when I said that I thought Tony was never any good for her and that Nick was such a sweetheart. You can make this assumption because y'all have hung out before right? And they would never have a public persona right? He was making good points as he normally does, but I can't help but feel like we do know them. We are there for their every move and tragedy. Hopefully you don't I am crazy for loving this stupid little guilty pleasure and even if you are judging me right now you know that in those check out lines of whatever supermarket you are in you glance over and read all of those covers. You wonder if it's true and then you pick it up and flip through it while waiting your turn with the cashier. I don't know many people who don't at least read the headlines. Why do we care about these people and their lives? Who knows, but we all contribute to this huge empire and love the drama of the celebrities lives. Until next time, have a great day and keep me posted on Jessica and Nick.

Very Lazy

This weekend was slow paced and somewhat boring, but I enjoyed being slow paced and boring for a couple of days. Friday night I just spent some time in my own bedroom catching up on some DVR and kissing on Grey baby. After what seemed like a Will and Grace marathon, I decided to pass out and call it a night. Saturday morning I didn't move from the bed until around 10am but only to pee and eat a little something. A sandwich and some sprite later I climbed back in the bed to continue watching tv. Big called at around 2:30pm asking me what I was doing. And yes I was a bit embarrassed that I hadn't accomplished the first task on my Saturday off work. He was at work and I'm sure didn't want to hear all about how I hadn't done one thing so I just said that I wasn't doing a thing.
We left for the ball game and I noticed that Mr. Big wasn't in the best of moods and he seemed tired. I did help him stretch out a little bit, but it didn't seem to help with his demeanor as we drove over to the fields. He played a decent game and believe it or not I enjoyed just watching while sitting outside. His Dad came and kept me company for a little while by talking about his new motorcycle that he just purchased. He was so excited to be out and about on it that he almost resembled a child with a new toy. LOL.
On Sunday morning I got up and headed to the pool, of course. I mean what did you think that I was going to go an entire weekend without soaking up some sunshine. Not a chance. The water was a tad bit chilly from this weird July weather we are having these days and it took us all three a couple of minutes to adjust to it. We have been used to it being like bath water for quite some time now so there was some squealing and gasping all over the pool at random times when the water crept over the sides of our floats. My Dee Dee just jumped right in with a very loud and emphatic, "YEAH". I guess she was trying to convince herself that it wasn't all that cold even though it was a bit icy. A very relaxing weekend has again come and gone. I am beginning to think that I really need more of a social life than what I have. Anyone have any suggestions out there? I am soon to be 25 and am kind of a fuddy-duddy I think. LOL.
Until next time, have a great Monday and help me with my social make-over if you can.

Hot then Cold

So very sleepy today! I can't even describe how I feel right now. I guess I would have to say that I am so stopped up that I can't hear, speak, or blink without realizing that I have the dreaded summer cold. For the life of me I can't understand it because I slept with the fan turned off last night and due to the storm we had this morning I even got to sleep in a little bit extra. Thanks weather ;) Plenty of water is passing through my lips and sliding down my throat this morning along with a bagel and almost an entire apple. Fruit is a daily part of my breakfast and mostly it is apples that I eat because they are very easy to cut up and eat with my hands. This way I can talk on the phone at work or do other monotonous tasks while still eating my green apple. Well an apple a day hasn't kept the cold away I am afraid.
Whenever I get to feeling badly I fight my own mother about whether or not to go to the doctor. I am completely serious when I say this, but I would rather be beaten with a bag of hammers instead of going to the doctor's office. Despise is not a good word, but it is the closest I can get to without saying any ugly words about how I feel about taking off work to go and sit around all day long in an office waiting room while it takes them years to process their paperwork. Working in a medical office myself, I understand about taking their sweet little time because we aren't people to them, we are chart numbers the same way they are to me. Some of them are special and stand out but for the most part we don't know them personally. Anxiety aside, I may be trying to get an appointment if the Sudafed doesn't kick in soon enough. It never fails that I develop sickness when the weekend is approaching. Ugh.
On another note, I slid into some things while pulling my car into the very wet garage this morning and scratched my car a bit. Luckily it was only the bumper that was assaulted and it didn't look too disturbed by it all so I reluctantly realize that I couldn't change it and went on to work. Maybe I can talk Mr. Big into helping me get some touch up paint even though I didn't appear to be any damage to the paint. It was raining and dark in the garage so it was hard to tell. I have still yet to go out and look at it in the daylight. The rain still hasn't let up out here where I am.
Until next time, stay dry and stay well

Frugal

When I was little and money was given to me for working or holiday, more than most of the time the same old comment would come out of some person's mouth, "Don't spend it all in one place". I used to think it was a silly statement and also why did that individual care how I would spend the money the had gifted me. Now I realize that there was a lesson being taught there by older wiser folks who had dealt with managing savings and incomes. Savings is a touchy subject with most people because here and now it is so very hard to stick to a plan of saving money. I hate having to worry about money and whether or not it will run out or not sometime soon.

I have several friends going through issues with their own finances and the finances of their significant others. As a whole, we (the women) have collectively decided that men aren't too good with saving money, but after some further soul searching I have to disagree. There are some men around me right now that have absolutely no issue handling their spending or their savings. Normally, when I look through my check book to investigate the current mystery saga of where did all the money go I find that I have "nickled" and "dimed" myself into a low balance. I am not a huge shopper girl that has to be in the mall every weekend looking for the newest and hottest trends. I am completely content with just running into Old Navy for a quick run through but only when I am in need of something specific. Maybe I should put myself on a much more strict budget so that I can save more money. Lately, I have been desperately trying to pay off some bills so that I have a bit more breathing room and so that I no longer have to worry with owing someone money. Yikes, this being an adult thing is really no fun these days and I have a hunch it is only up hill from here.


I suppose that I need to pray for help with learning better discipline and control when it comes to all the aspects of my life. On that note, I am trying to exercise and eat much better because while I was doing so last month I felt better in general and now that I've slipped a bit I am noticing a difference. Even this morning, after getting a full night's sleep I was still exhausted. So discipline.... here I come. Maybe, no hopefully.


There is some satisfaction that I get from paying a bill on time and without worry of bouncing any of the funds. That part makes me feel like a grown up even though I am really resisting it. I thought that this was something that people grow to love, but recently I found out that fact just ain't so. A friend of mine has been finding out surprises about her live in boyfriend for about 3 months now. Some of which have been quite serious and definitely expensive for the resolution, but she has stuck by him in trying to persuade him to work it all out. He has a terrible credit score from a reckless youth which included no discipline of his own. She loves him and is clawing at his bills while trying to rectify this problem. This week he came home and parked the car around the back of the house so that the view of it was blocked from the street.... yeah you guys guessed it. The bank is looking for the vehicle and he was a bit behind on his payments. After three phone calls and a screaming match, my friend got to the bottom of the confusion while taking diligent notes and shaking her head. He was almost 9 payments behind. AH! Boys. What would they do with out us around right? When she questioned him on his behavior he gave a response that he had completed paying off the car and didn't really care to pay the interest! This generated much needed laughter for her and for me when she told me about it and as a matter of fact we're still cracking up somewhat. Are you kidding me? In that moment I thought her head would explode but she just sat in silence and laughed at the ridiculousness of it. And even though I thought he would most certainly be a dead man this morning, she has decided to be his personal financial advisor. Honey, all I can say is that I wish you the best of luck at this point in your relationship and if you need anything please don't hesitate. He will be alright as soon as she gets him back on track, and from what I know about her it will be more funny stories to come.


Any advice on how to change habits from spending whenever on whatever? I sure hope that my transition isn't as painful as other's have been and that all of my plotting and planning gets me back on track soon. Until next time, just laugh and be frugal

Big Birthday Weekend

Don't you just hate Mondays? I know I sure do! Even my brother wrote on his Facebook status this morning about how much he truly hates Mondays. After having a wonderful weekend I just really didn't want to roll out of my very comfortable bed this morning and get in the shower to get started with my day.
Never will I ever ask for sympathy for a hangover, but last night after drinking all day long at the pool I was nursing a terrible headache along with some neck and back tension. Maybe it was due to the two Margarita's and the one beer that I consumed. My Aunt has decided that to drink less calories we must just replace it with more liquour. So the drinks are getting stronger every weekend. Side note: I drink EXTREMELY quickly. The minute I get it, I suck it down until there is nothing but ice left in there, set it aside to wait for the ice to melt, and then begin again until it is all gone.Mmmm... tasty. It wasn't good for me yesterday at all. I also never take medication unless I am just dying and this definately qualified as a "I might die right here" situations. My head hurt so badly that even walking down the steps to get some pills was excruating pain with every single one of the sixteen steps. Yep, there are exactly sixteen steps down. Alright, so after taking the Excedrin (two I might add) I went straight up to bed and passed right out. This was at about 6:30pm.... So at 10:20pm when I awoke with the television blaring and completely dressed, I did feel some much needed relief from the headache but knew that I needed to eat a little something, wash my face, and go to bed for real. However, at this point I was wide awake with no hope of returning to my previous state of slumber. Ah, sleepless nights.... Ugh. They just piss me right off especially when it is Sunday night and I know that the alarm clock will go off shortly after me actually falling asleep. At 3 am I finally feel back asleep only to be awakened three short hours later. Fun night!
The weekend was craziness, but tons of fun. The 11th was both Big's and Kyla's birthdays which is always fun to coordinate, but this year I spent the day with Big because she went to the Zoo with her man. We spent the whole weekend celebrating his birthday with his family and several events. Thursday night we went to eat at Texas de Brazil which was absolutely amazing in every way. The food was scrumptious and the service was excellent. Friday night we ventured out to see Transformers 2. Very entertaining even though it was over two and a half hours long. Saturday we got up and played with Tucker and then his little cousin puppy came over (Max). This was hilarious. Tucker has never had a play date with Max before and there was some adjustment that had to be made to each other. Max was very drawn to me for some reason, and Tuckie just wasn't going to have all of that. He pushed and shoved Max away from me in a sweet little kid way but simply wasn't going to tolerate any affection that I showed him. Big filled the pool and Tucker got in, but we were unaware that Max-a-million is not a big fan of water. I kept thinking while Big's sister was telling us over dinner that he hates water that he's a Labrador or at least partly. She said he doesn't retrieve or swim. Oh, so he just looks like one but isn't one at heart. LOL. He was very sweet and loving to me the entire time he was there. We did have some sucking up to do to Tuck-Tuck when we returned to the house after dropping cousin Max off at his home. After that, Big's family and I went to eat out for his birthday which was fun and entertaining being that his nephew and niece are young and quite animated. All in all it was a great week and weekend for my Mr. Big and me. He was so appreciative of his gifts and outings that he even stopped me and thanked me for making this a very special birthday for him. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. So, I guess another one bites the dust. Next stop is my birthday in August. Until next time, don't drink too much!!!! Ever!

Respect

After thinking on this topic seriously for a couple of days, I have decided to go ahead and write a short soap box rant about how this is MY blog or at least I remember it being the last time I checked. For the most part I am very concerned about hurting some people's feelings when I include them in some of my stories; however, I will not apologize for leaving someone out of it. Very few things in my life are all about me and what I feel or think so no matter what is said from this point on please understand that in the address line of my blog it says mindful musings of MEGGIE. There is another blog that I follow titled "It's My Blog, That's Why" and in the introduction she proclaims how she will not be held responsible if you the reader are offended in any way by her ramblings. It is almost like a warning label for those about to enter her world. I completely can relate and respect her gesture. So I will continue to be brutally honest and also will try hard to be respectful to others. I hope you can appreciate it, but if you don't then... well... click off.

For those of you that love my stories and experiences, I love you guys and I hope you continue to keep up with me. Until my next post, take care

No Results....

For the past several months I have tried to loose some weight so that I could be more comfortable with myself and give my poor little knees a break for a change. After trying pills, starvation, crazy diets, and now running, I am having a very hard time taking it off. I don't have a baby to blame the weight gain on like most women, just ignorance and laziness on my part is at fault. While dating my ex for over four years I forgot all of the rules about not eating heavy after 6pm at night or that Coke will put on about 10lbs a year. Well, in my case probably more because I was drinking several cans of Coke a day along with eating whatever fast food I chose to put into my mouth. Yeah, I know you guys are reading this now thinking, "why is she feeling sorry for herself now when it is so obvious she didn't care at the time?" But I am really regretting how I feel about myself now. Mirrors are no longer my friend and shopping is just out of the question. I used to love to go and by clothes but now I cringe at the thought of having to pass through the doors of a store and then tediously having to try on size after size, ugh it just makes me feel nauseous just thinking about it. Recently I have began to run which is rewarding in it's own way, but with the good comes the bad as well. I have always struggled with my joints over the years and the high impact of the treadmill hasn't been the best experience for me to endure. After some research on the Internet, Dr. Google, I am making some changes to the stretching routine and also the amount of time I spend warming up. It seemed to be helping but for right now I have given it a short break to try and bounce back from some of running's painful woes.
Normally, I feel so good that I exercised at all and here lately I have been a little slacker. It's just so dang hard for me to eat all those yucky so called "good for you" foods when really tasty tempting junk food is staring me in the face. And then to get up early in the morning to work-out is just awful. Wait, who am I really kidding there? LOL. Anybody out there that knows me personally knows I ain't getting up early for anything unless it is mandatory and I am normally kicked out of bed even then. (Thanks Big) Anyways, I usually run at night when I get off from work and boy do I have to do it before my bootie hits a chair or the bed because I won't run after that. You guys know what I mean right? Okay, on with my story now.
The point to this rant is that I am not seeing results yet. As a matter of fact, I've gained weight! I am not used to working and not seeing anything happen because back in school when I wanted to loose a little weight I just would stop eating and run. Yeah, it would just fall off no problem then, but now that I am older it just won't cooperate with me. Everything that I have read says do not under any circumstance stop eating altogether because it will stunt the metabolism. Hmmm.... wish someone would have told me that years ago while I was starving myself all through high school. Maybe I jacked it up years ago and am just now starting to get back on track with it. For a long time I didn't even have hunger pains, but now that I have made myself eat breakfast I am beginning to actually get some tummy pains when I need to eat. Also, while doing all of that research no matter where I turned it says NO ALCOHOL! Ummm... Hello.. what kind of summer is that? You know those commercials about people trying to quit smoking but having to re-learn doing everyday tasks? I am so seeing me trying to swim without a margarita in my hand! Yep, I have trained myself into a routine: bathing suit? check. towel? check. pool? check. float? check. Margarita? priceless oh and check! Any suggestions from you guys out there? I am getting very frustrated right now with working and not eating certain things and then.... nothing. There are so many tricks that everyone talks about and I am listening to most of them and giving them so serious consideration, but for the most part I am just trying to change my habits. This probably will be the best thing for me for the most part. I suppose it will take a substantial amount of time to take it off just like it did to put it on. Until next time, wish me luck and if you have helpful tips I would LOVE to hear them.

Overhaul

Blog Overhaul!!!! I need to do some more work but here is the new look I've been searching for. Hope you guys enjoy. I need to send a shout out to my sweet little brother Nathan for his part in getting the background into place because it was more difficult than I even thought when I started trying to change it. So thanks Nathan, you're awesome!
Back at work today, wishing I was at home still in bed. All the tweets and some of the Facebook updates were people stating how they needed a much longer weekend. Can't blame you guys there at all! I felt like it just flew by.
For those of you living under a rock, the funeral services of Michael Jackson are going to be held tomorrow and I am sure will take up all the air time on every channel. Keep his family and especially his children in your thoughts and prayers for I am sure they will need it. Also, I have been praying for the family of Steve McNair. Very sad to loose a loved one for whatever reason. Until next time, have a great Monday!

Happy 4th of July

My weekend wasn't a normal 4th of July weekend for me, but it was nice and relaxing which was a nice change of pace. I didn't have a million family gatherings to attend which typically only constitutes a lot of driving for me and very little time to actually visit with friends and family. Nope, just a relaxing Saturday in the pool with family was all I needed to complete the holiday. Even though I was a tad bit disappointed that I didn't light so much as a sparkler, I was just glad to get to spend some quality time with my loved ones and Big.
Today was my Dad's birthday and we celebrated it with Cokes and Pizza. However easy and tasty this was, it was not in typical fashion of a dinner at Dad's. Altogether it was a success. Nobody had to worry with cooking or presenting food. It was just grab a paper plate and scarf down some slices of Pizza. Grey talked and walked all over the house in his little shoes that were so cute on him. Taylor just chased after him so concerned that he would fall and hurt himself. Made me remember how protective I felt over her when she started walking.
Other than that, there isn't much to report. I feel almost disappointed to post this sad little blog, but it was an update on my weekend all the same. I really need to get myself an exciting life here pretty quick or I won't have anything to write about. Hopefully every one's holiday weekend was satisfactory and they all had safe fun times. Big is on vacation all of next week, but today he felt a little under the weather. I know he sures is hoping on not being sick on his much needed week off of work. Until next time, good luck getting out of bed in the morning because I know it will be too hard for me.

Tell All....

After some news I got today, I am seriously considering writing a tell all book about my life as I saw it while growing up in a small town. Maybe about how the drama goes around and around like a carousel that never stops. It's a place where gossip is currency with small town folk and the devastation that it causes is shear entertainment to the masses even though it is unkind. I hate to admit it, but I still can't help but perk up when I hear a juicy detail about some one's break up or a shot-gun wedding and all that those comments imply. All the while most in the community are bible thumpers and pretend to be above that particular brand of behaviour by way of judging others with discerning gazes and expressing their concerns by saying, "honey, I will pray for you and yours". Ugh, vomit. If it was sincere it would be acceptable to me; however, the majority of the time while you are pouring your heart out to someone for some much needed support they are thinking in the back of their mind about who would be the best to contact first for the most coveted shocked gasp.
People love each other where I come from, and don't get me wrong, I love my small town it just is like being on another planet sometimes. It has it own set of survival rules that aren't written down, just understood. Perhaps they are inherited or maybe they are developed over time but all the same, the rules always apply and are often morphed to meet certain people's needs. This always reminded me so much of when I was a kid and we all played games how my brother or cousins or basically who ever I was playing with would stand up and shout out a rule that no one was aware of. They, especially the boys, would try and make us all believe that the rule always was in existence. We knew better. Emphatically we would exclaim that they were making them up as they went along.
This was the same philosophy as small town lingo. Everyone knew everyone since birth and over the years the families, through marriages, became closer and closer to all being the same large family. Like every town, there is always a center family that has encouraged the grow of the community through financial stimulation and an Ora that I came to learn was called clout. Our town had one just like that. I wasn't related to them by blood, but every one of them knew exactly who I was by name. Now, we weren't the one's that were well off, but we were the family that was the center of this whole entire madness.
I thought growing up that my grandparents were rock stars in their on way. They owned a grocery store. And not just any grocery store, the ONLY one for miles around. The environment was hard to describe because to me if felt like home. I guess if I had to make someone understand that had never walked into the store it would have to be compared to Cheers. For me it was like exhaling and then relaxing. Everybody knows everyone else and even if you didn't just give it a second and you would know more about our little town than you ever even cared Growing up I could never quite grasp why everyone would come in and talk to my Nana about every little thing that came up. She would listen, smile, and often pray with them. She was a mother, a grandmother, a friend, and most of the time a counselor to anyone with any type of issue. To many this would be a terrible task, but to my Nana it was welcomed without judgement or irritation. Once she told me she felt it was her calling in a way. She got to witness to countless people about Christ just in the short amount of time it took to ring a customer up and bag the groceries. I often wondered why people thought it was okay to just blurt out some of their most intimate details to someone that was an outsider to their particular situation, but she seemed to enjoy the trust they placed in her hands and to this day seems to give people a calm feeling. Over the years I have come realize this was an amazing gift that she had.
All of these details are my precious memories and I will forever cherish them, but those aren't the one's that would sell. It's the drama that has been circling this cute little story that would sell books. Big says that if I told my story from childhood till now I could have plot and story for a daytime soap opera. As funny as that is, he does have a point. The craziness has become a part of my everyday life and I am rarely shocked anymore by other people's stories about their lives because I have heard just about everything. My parents had a fairy tale courtship and wedding which lead to almost 20 years together. Now all of these years may not have been the best, but they were happy for many of them. The community viewed them as the perfect couple with the two perfect children. This is a prime example of how you can't judge a book by it's cover. After the demise of the marriage and our life as we knew it, we picked up the pieces and tried to start over. This has been a roller coaster of a ride that still is going on. I laugh about the details every single day! My friends have laughed and cried with me over the years.
I created a terrific support system and that has been my family and friends whom have never once let me down. They have been there for me for every single step of the way and never acted like this was all trivial to them. No matter what was going on they seemed to pick me up and help me through it. Trust me, when you have all this stuff surrounding you there is nothing better than a great person to hug you and believe in you.
Maybe I will write it and maybe I won't but I promise if I ever did, it would be very entertaining for me to re-live all the events that have shaped me into a woman and share them with you guys. Until next time, better be sweet because you might end up in a chapter of "my professions of a child drama queen" growing up in my little world. LOL

An Inspiration

In previous blogs I have discussed how I have a new found love for audio books. I just love someone reading to me and of course I get so involved in the books themselves that I can't stop listening until they are finished much like I am with movies. Story Telling by Tori Spelling is my most recent book that I love especially because she is the one that read it and in her own tone made it come to life. Living her life through her stories somehow made me contemplate things about my own life. She told many extravagant tales about things that she went through as a rich girl growing up in Beverly Hills with the very famous last name of Spelling. For the most part, I can relate to her thoughts and feelings in many ways as she travels back in time to speak about her experiences and hardships of becoming a woman. The way she talked about questioning herself and her behavior, constantly, always seemed to speak to me. I also worry constantly about being too much like some of my family members but not enough like others or talking too much even though that's just me. Often people compare me to another member of my very own family that I dare not name and this never fails to infuriate me on some level even if the comment was made in jest. Tori told a story about coming into her own person and feeling as though she had finally found her niche in the world. Also she spoke about her love with Dean. Ah, anyone that watches their show along with me knows that they really have something real. The type of relationship that everyone prays for many years. They look, sound, and seem like the real deal which makes me nauseous and happy at the same time knowing that someone found "it".
I know that people find love all the time and if I opened up my mind and stopped making stupid decisions I would probably come into my own much quicker and without near as many struggles and heartaches. Very few moments in my adult life have been magical for me in any way. Most of them are a uphill fight that usually ends in a mediocre finale by way of partial satisfaction and then ultimately tears. Now I can't deny she was in a better financial position than me all of her life; however, I still feel somewhat drawn to her story even though I could never really relate to growing up that wealthy. It wasn't always easy for her to communicate with her family for certain reasons and I can relate. It was always living in the shadow of her loved ones and their legacies as well, and I can relate. (Good or Bad) She couldn't have any luck at all when it came to love and the men in her life and trust me, I can so relate. Somehow I just need to relax and let it all happen the way that it should which is so very difficult to be patient. The way she has been describing how powerful the love was that she felt when she met Dean and how it took over her whole being like a drug was an inspiration to me. Maybe love is real and out there for the finding, I am not sure but it sure is something to think about for a minute.

People tell us all the time that there is one person for every one of us. I don't normally believe in this propaganda, but I have recently decided that I desperately want to. Something in me is changing right now. It's slow and dull but it is happening and becoming clear to me that I am growing. I really wish I was growing up or growing away but deep down I suspect I am healing. Finally! I am healing from old hurts and wanting something to happen again. Finally I am starting to feel like I can shed all of the gunk that has been packed all around me all of my life. You might say that I am trying to grow some optimism much like I have been growing layers of thicker skin over the years. It's been painful up until now, but I feel more relaxed now. It is unclear whether I have met "him" or not or whether this adventure I am on right now will play out but I do know that Big makes me feel like a quieter soul. I don't have to sing or dance or any other type of hypothetical performance that I am so used to resorting to when I am around people. It is just me and him together no matter where we are or what we do. Oh, and most of the time it's Tuckie too. :) There is just a deep sense of understanding and equality between us as friends and it makes me feel like I could fall for him over and over again even after all of the bad stuff has happened. I am breaking free of a feeling of dread that I refuse to nurse any longer. I know bad days will come and go and sometimes I will need reminding of that, but I want to look forward to sunny days. Happiness is a state of mind just like anything else and I yearn for it and will just learn to be happy. Big has made huge a difference in the process. Whether this thing works out or comes apart, I will always be thankful that he helped me bring the hope back. When I met him almost two years ago, I was just about dead inside and mostly on the outside when it came to relationships. I wanted no more pain, ya know like the song No Woman, No Cry! I could completely see why that equation made sense. In my eyes it was, no man equals no tears. And as humorous as that idea is, it has undeniable merit. I started thinking that maybe if I stay single then I won't hurt anymore, but then came the loneliness that I couldn't cope with. I am a Leo and I epitomize everything that means. I am vocal and extroverted and typically wear my feelings on my sleeve. I am emotionally driven and enjoy the passions of life, but most of all I hate being alone the majority of the time. Whoops, no man, no cry didn't help. Actually, this was much worse feeling abandoned and alone and it didn't help that I am not at my desired weight. For now, I am content with my little situation. We had a special moment last night that was sweet and simple and it made me remember why I am around him. He makes me feel like me that's why. Hopefully, I can continue to de-gunkify my little existence. I hope he understands and knows how much I care for him.